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February 25, 2010

Satire: Native people are blue giants who ride dragons

You all saw Avatar right? The one Doug George-Kanentiio called a "painful experience for Native people" due to its portrayal of a community being overrun by greedy developers?

Well, everyone has theories that the movie is really about the Navajo Nation and uranium, or the war in Iraq, or about some indigenous people in India, but the truth is that Native people are REALLY that magical, according to director James Cameron:

"Yes, Native Americans live in the most dangerous environment throughout the galaxy. Yes, they possess a priceless natural resource that promises to revolutinize the entire military-industrial complex as we know it. And yes, they ride dinosaurs in the same way that regular folks would ride a horse. These are just some of the things that make Native Americans the most culturally important culture of the 2009 Holiday movie season.

How do we know it's true? Just ask someone who fought during the Indian Wars!

"They are almost indestructible," states senator Orrin Hatch, R., Idaho. It makes me wonder how we defeated them so easily in the 1800s."

P.S. This story isn't true. Please do not email Lance Morgan.