Standing before a painted hide at Dakota Drum on Main Street, Rapid City, Vaughn Vargas speaks about his journey from near suicide to success. He has used his bout with depression and near suicide to educate others.
Vaughn Vargas, survivor of suicide stands tall
By Christina Rose
Native Sun News, Associate Editor RAPID CITY—Just four years ago, Vaughn Vargas, 26, of Cheyenne River and Rapid City, was headed for Falling Rock in the Black Hills of South Dakota. He was preparing to jump. Luckily, he was detained and never made it there. Today he is not only a survivor of suicide, but he was named Student of the Year out of 1,600 students at Oglala Lakota College and voted Mr. AIHEC for the national organization of American Indian Higher Education Consortium. What saved Vargas is what has made him so successful. His journey could be the same as any teen who is uncertain of where he stands in the world, or whose burdens had become too heavy: not just for himself, but for friends and family as well. Vargas has used his life’s experience to educate others and in a recent speech competition, he just missed winning first place by a technicality. However, his message was heard and even before he arrived home, he received a request to present it again before college students in Nebraska. As a high school student, Vargas skipped school often, and was a third year freshman before he quit school altogether. Determined to graduate, he went into the Job Corp which helped him develop leadership skills and enabled him to graduate with a 3.41 grade point average. But life for Vargas wasn’t as simple as that. “I was dating someone the whole time I was in school, but we broke up. I was happy that I graduated but I was sad because I was in love with someone and it put a damper on things,” Vargas said. “I didn't have a direction and I ended up falling into the wrong crowd. I just lost focus, but then I met my son’s mom and we ended up having a kid.” Having a child helped 19-year-old Vargas begin to get his life together. However, only weeks later, his son died. “It was so devastating to me and my girlfriend, and her family and my family. I went into a deep depression and fell into alcoholism, and developed suicidal thoughts.” For the next few years, Vargas struggled to pull his life together. He was trying to make progress and about a year later, the couple had another child, a son now 4 years old. Unfortunately, the relationship was too damaged by the death of their first child to continue. By 2009, Vargas was attending school at Black Hills State University, working at Chili’s and Ruby Tuesday restaurants, trying to be a dad, and trying to please the mother of his son. “It was tough, and I couldn't juggle it. My grades started slipping and I couldn’t handle it. There was a seminar on suicide and I thought this is what I am going through.” At the seminar, Vargas was told to tell everyone what he was feeling. “Tell your parents, your girlfriend, your wife, your best friend, everyone you can tell, just tell them. I told everyone I was at a point where I was considering suicide,” Vargas said. Vargas attempted suicide with pills and began to look for places to take his life. “I was looking for a place where it wouldn't be a big problem for someone to stumble across. I was telling everyone what I was going to do and nobody knew how to handle it.” Then one day, as he was driving in the hills, he decided to jump off of Falling Rock. “I was still drinking at the time, and my son’s mom found out, but I was determined to do it. I ended up getting stopped that day, and it was the last day I had a drink. It was such a tragic moment in my life. That could have been it.” According to Vargas’s research, about 80% of people who face suicide have an addiction to alcohol or drugs or they have temper problems. He said that when friends see that person coming they no longer see the person, they see the problems. “That’s what happened to me. When people saw me, they’d say, ‘Oh here comes Vaughn, he probably just broke up with his son’s mother, he’s probably drunk, who knows.’ “What do you do if someone you know is facing suicide,” he asks those who hear his speech. “Would you take them to the hospital? Would you take them to a mental health clinic? Or maybe you don't know what to do.” Vargas said to take them to a mental health clinic or the hospital. “A week before I decided to commit suicide, on January 19, 2010, I decided to get help. Me and my son’s mom got into an argument and I ended up having a breakdown. She had never seen me in such a state before. We were both depressed, and at that point she asked, ‘What do we gotta do?’ I said, I don’t know, I don't even care.” What should have been the solution once again compounded the problem. “We went to IHS Sioux San and told them, ‘I am suicidal, I want to die, I am depressed.’ It was Tuesday and they told me they couldn't give me an evaluation until Thursday.” Vargas waited until Thursday, and his assessment confirmed that he was depressed. However, the prescribing physician was out of town for almost a month, and the hospital could not give him medication until the physician returned. “I was so sincere; I told them I didn't think I could make it that long.” Vaughn was told to go to the hospital, “But they just started pushing me all over, and when you are pushing somebody who has lost hope, they are already at the point of giving up, so I gave up.” Vargas’s support systems began to deteriorate. His son’s mother moved and the families weren't getting along because of the death of the first son. “Unless I wanted to hear the negative comments, I had nowhere to turn, and that’s how suicidal people feel; they have nobody to turn to.” Vargas started to really look at his life and said, “This is not who I want to be. Growing up, I was lost without direction. I didn't know who I was or what I was about.” He began to look back at his life and actions, and he realized he had been trying all along to be everything to everybody. On top of working to care for his son, and trying to keep his son’s mother and both families happy, “I wanted to host parties, be the popular guy in the subculture.” Vargas finally found himself at the Faith Temple in Rapid City where he dealt with confusion about being Native and becoming Christian. At first he felt a lot of pressure to resist, but Pastor Whitney Afraid of Lightening explained that it was not the culture of Christianity he was joining; it was simply a belief in Christ. Vargas saw there was little conflict in the beliefs of Christ and the traditional Lakota values. “The elders see what I am doing. I don't want to see our people lost in alcoholism, lost in drugs, and not just lost in depression but lost to us because they took their lives in suicide.” “I remember being alone with no one to turn to, so I asked God to use me, and he has. I know not everyone believes in Christ, but what saved me was getting to know my culture,” he said. Vargas said he respects that everyone has their own belief, but believes it is important to have a personal relationship with God, Christ or Tunkasila. “But no matter what your religious preferences are, get to know your culture, because when I got to know who I was and what I stand for, then I started getting management positions. I worked very hard for it, and good things just started happening,” he said. Now Vargas is a sophomore with a paid position as a Peer Mentor at OLC, and he is the youngest member on the Board of Directors for the Substance Abuse Coalition. “I just thought stuff like that wouldn't be open to me,” Vargas said. “Coming from a low income family with a single mother, I thought I would be stuck in a kitchen or some kind of labor job.” Vargas insisted, “The key to opening those doors is finding your identity, getting to know your culture, avoiding alcohol, finding something you are passionate about and finding what you stand for, even if it’s sometimes standing alone. If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.” “Once you get to know yourself, you can really blossom,” Vargas, 26, wearing a suit and tie, said with a smile. He now has 4.0 grade point average at OLC and has perfect attendance and intends to keep that up for all four years of his business management and engineering studies. “I want to be the best representative of Lakota I can be,” he said, and added that he wants to develop wind turbines, and open a venue where kids can express themselves freely. “Break dancing was everything to me, it is a great way to express yourself,” Vargas said, adding that dancing kept him away from gangs because dancing with a group offers camaraderie. Vargas announced that The Coalition Against Substance Abuse will be hosting an event on April 26, from 5:30 to 9:30 at Main Street Square in Rapid City. All high school and college students are welcome, but under 14 should be accompanied by an adult. “If you want to keep kids off drugs and alcohol, then you have to fill the void. The event may feature various dance demonstrations including East Coast Swing, West Coast Swing, Carolina Swag, Cha-Cha, Hip Hop, NA style, East Islander dance, Ballet, Lyrical, and Vargas’s favorite, Break Dancing. Contact Christina Rose at Christinarose@gmail.com) Copyright permission by Native Sun News
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