John Christian Hopkins: Traveling through all of my past lives

I never planned to be a failed journalist or a hack writer. Seriously, in my youth, I had big plans that included wealth, women and worldwide fame.

Now I’d settle for a Twinkie and a Diet Coke.

I’m not one of those quacks that hope to better his or her life by climbing Mount Everest or learning to make origami swans. Instead, I am devoted to Self-Hypnotic Introspection Therapy. (You figure out the acronym for that).

That’s where you study your past lives and learn all the mistakes you made to better avoid stepping in the same S**t once again.

So far, I haven’t mastered the art.