Charles Trimble. Photo by Native Sun News

For many years I have been strutting around posing as a real Oglala, looking askance and sneering at the masses of less-fortunate tribesmen who are not lucky enough to claim such royal blood.

But now I must fess up that until May 23rd of this year I was not a “certified” Oglala. I was a fraud – just another Wannabee; for, you see, I didn’t have an Oglala Sioux Tribe Official Membership ID (OSTOMID) Card.

The OSTOMID Card is a work of art, emblazoned with the OST emblem of sovereignty – the blood-red flag with a star-burst circle of nine white tipis and bordered in royal blue fringe. The only distracting feature is the god-awful mug shot of yours-truly (The tribal photographer obviously took the same course that the people who issue driver’s licenses and passports take).

As with all treasured things, however, it is not an easy matter getting an OSTOMID Card. First of all, a person has to wander around the maze that is the tribal complex at Pine Ridge village to find the right office – I think it’s called the Tribal Enrollment Division of the Oglala Sioux Tribe Department of State. I finally found the right window and was greeted by a lovely Lakota young woman; I gave my name and told her I was a tribal member and wanted to get an ID card verifying that I am. She wanted proof, so I told her that that is the reason I want a tribal ID Card. “No,” she said, “I need proof that you are Charles Trimble.”

Then she said, “I don’t suppose you have a USPS postal money order for $15.00.” I told her no, but I have something even better -- cold hard Cash…long green…American. ”Sorry,” she said, “but until we start printing Oglala currency, we only take postal money orders.”

So then I had to find the post office, which takes some searching. Pine Ridge has changed considerably since I used to hang out there, and even the Post Office took a lot of asking and lip-pointing to find. When I finally found it there was a sign posted on the mail window that it was closed on Fridays from 10 am to 1pm. That meant that I would have to be a wannabee for another hour, which was unacceptable. When a person gets that close to achieving something as precious as official membership in the Oglala Sioux Tribe warrior society and the card to show it, every minute counts.

Some kind person informed me that I could go to the post office two miles down the road at White Clay, Nebraska. “I don’t want a case of Grain Belt Beer or a pint of cheap Mad Dog 20-20 wine,” I told her, “I just want to buy 15 dollars worth of money order.” She assured me that I could buy that too in White Clay.

When I returned from White Clay with money order in hand, I find that the Enrollment window is closed until 1:00 pm, an hour hence.

That disappointing news I was able to handle with the help of a sandwich and iced tea down the street at the new Subway shop, after which I returned and got my picture taken and was presented with my very own certificate of authenticity. I am henceforth a genuine enrolled, card-carrying Oglala Lakota wicasa (wichasha).

But since then I haven’t found anybody who would card me so I could flash my new ID like an FBI spook does when he wants to scare hell out of someone. Sales clerks at the grocery won’t accept it for senior discounts – they tell me that the way I look I don’t need proof of geezerhood. And I found that the Omaha city police aren’t at all impressed with it either.

I’m just waiting for some smart-alecky person to challenge my claim to Oglala Lakota citizenship so I can whip out my OSTOMID card quicker than John Wayne could ever draw his gun.

Charles "Chuck" Trimble is a member of the Oglala Lakota Oyate, born and raised on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. He was principal founder of the American Indian Press Association in 1970, and served as Executive Director of the National Congress of American Indians from 1972-1978. He can be reached at cchuktrim@aol.com or charlestrimble.com