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MONDAY, FEBRUARY 10, 2003

"Mister Speaker, members and nonmembers of Congress, and loyal readers, I have the dubious privilege and the complete gall to present to you: Uncle Johnny and the Spate of the Whatever address.

My fellow Gazetteheads, the State of the Whatever is, well, fungal. That's right, Uncle Johnny has developed a very bad toe fungus that could, like, lead to a fatal infection, causing death, even.

But even this, however, will not stop us from putting our best foot forward and straight into our mouth.

We fear not! We have courage of the undaunted variety!

And believe it or not, this column faces many challenges above and beyond your average toe-spam.

Yes, every day, the newspaper becomes a more dangerous place. There are constant and growing threats from other columns, such as Dear Abby, City Lights, and Outdoors Just for Kids. These three renegade columns comprise what is commonly known as the Axis of Evil.

But wait - there's more."

Get the Story:
Potter Column: Exploring outer reaches of lame humor (The Billings Gazette 2/8)

More John Potter:
John Potter: Who me, grovel? No way! (01/27)
John Potter: A multi-tasker at heart (01/13)
John Potter: What I want for Christmas (12/16)
John Potter: Flying to Nashville (12/02)
John Potter: No more snowmobiles (11/18)
John Potter: I do NOT hate white people (11/4)
John Potter: Mad about Yellowstone bison (10/21)
John Potter: My ode to Autumn (10/07)
John Potter: Snot noses at art show (9/23)
John Potter: Mad about Kennewick Man (9/9)
John Potter: My wild car chase (8/26)
John Potter: My search for donuts (8/12)
John Potter: I'm a Survivor (7/29)
John Potter: My Wedding Anniversary (7/15)
John Potter: Yet another move (7/1)
John Potter: Leave me alone (6/17)
John Potter: They really like me (6/3)
John Potter: Cutting back (5/20)
John Potter: Mother's Day (5/13)
John Potter: Hope springs eternal (5/6)
John Potter: Create Indian holiday (4/29)
John Potter: A history lesson (4/22)
John Potter: I am the Tax Man (4/15)
John Potter: Rudeness (4/8)
John Potter: Hail Fighting Whities (4/1)
John Potter: I was, I am (3/25)
John Potter: His Mail Bag (3/18)
John Potter: Moving to Utah (3/11)
John Potter: Friend of the Wolf (3/4)
John Potter: Desert camping (2/25)
John Potter: Fry Bread Gold (2/19)
John Potter: Get on the bus (2/11)
John Potter: Overcoming prejudice (2/4)
John Potter: The 'Real' Indians (1/28)
John Potter: A nobody at Sundance (1/21)
John Potter: The expanding waistline (1/14)
John Potter: Sacred toenail clippers (1/7)
John Potter: Running into Robert Redford (1/2)
John Potter: The Christmas Spirit (12/24)
John Potter: Murdering Bison (12/17)
John Potter: Defensive Driving (12/10)
John Potter: One flew over the . . . (12/3)
John Potter: Trick or Treaty (11/26)
John Potter: Treaty Rights for Dummies (11/19)
John Potter: Mixed bloods, Mudbloods (11/13)
John, not Harry Potter (11/5)
John Potter: My Halloween Costume (10/29)
John Potter: Ode to autumn (10/22)
John Potter: Slow like Turtle (10/15)
John Potter: My Daughter (10/9)
John Potter: The Cherokee Princess Tribe (10/1)
John Potter: Visit my web page (9/24)
John Potter: We're All Native Americans (9/17)
John Potter: Living with Women (9/4)
John Potter: Indian Genes (8/27)
John Potter: Why I Love Montana (8/21)
John Potter: My Honeymoon (8/13)
John Potter: Falling in Love (8/6)
Potter: No more from Africa... (7/30)
John Potter: Hippo Farts (7/23)
John Potter: Ojibwes, The First People (7/16)
John Potter: Watching the Dhou (7/9)
John Potter: Red Indian Rambo (7/2)
John Potter visits Kenya(6/11)
Potter fails to conquer England for Indians (6/4)
John Potter: Conquering England (5/29)
John Potter: Selling Indian culture (5/21)
John Potter: In My Wellies (5/14)
John Potter: Going to England (5/7)
Crouching Potter, Hidden Flabbing (4/30)
John Potter: No John Potter (4/23)
John Potter: Going to California (4/16)
John Potter: California Blackouts (4/9)
John Potter Meets President Bush (4/2)
John Potter: Mr. T and Obscenity (3/19)
John Potter: Tolerance (3/12)
John Potter: Dr. Seuss and Frybread (3/5)
John Potter: Good Vibrations (2/19)
John Potter: Hey Mr. DJ... (2/12)
John Potter: Big Brothers, Big Sisters (2/5)
John Potter: Cloning Chippewas (1/29)
John Potter: Jesse Jackson (1/22)
Potter: Martin Luther King (1/16)
John Potter: Honor, Love, Mush (01/08)