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THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 20, 2003

"In recent issues, patrons of this tawdry but readable newspaper have endured a long, shrill antiwar essay from Ted Rall and a short, grumpy pro-war essay from Christopher Hitchens. One would think that's enough war writing, in any publication, for any lifetime.

But last week, The Stranger's editor sent me an e-mail. In response to Hitchens and Rall, he wanted me to write something called, provisionally, "Who Cares?" Impossible, I said. The U.S. is about to unleash the biggest military assault of my lifetime, an action that could plunge the world into apocalyptic chaos. I do care, and I'd be an idiot if I didn't. I'm totally against the war 70 percent of the time, and then once in a while I think, well, the planet's already dying. Let war rip and see what happens.

At the same time, so what? Do you really want to hear what I think? Do you really want to hear what any writer thinks about our upcoming war with Iraq? I don't. Suddenly I had the idea for this piece, which officially begins now:

Shut up, antiwar people. Shut up, pro-war people. Shut down your computers and shut your goddamn pieholes. No one gives a shit what you write, so stop writing about the war. Shut up, all of you."

Get the Story:
Neal Pollack: JUST SHUT UP (The Stranger 2/20)