FROM THE ARCHIVE

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In The Hoop
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 31. 2001

Welcome to In The Hoop, Indianz.Com's occasional column about assorted Indian issues.

Halloween Costume Ideas
It's Halloween, which means orange is in. And with Thanksgiving nearly a month away, we'll be seeing lots of lots of the color, whether it's in pumpkins, pie or the fall foliage.

But once that holiday passes, the government might be seeing a lot more orange than it likes. In the prison outfits top officials, attorneys and senior management might be forced to wear for engaging in behavior a federal judge yesterday said was "so clearly contemptuous" he wondered how the government could defend itself.

So with that in mind, In The Hoop is giving you a special edition of our Halloween Costume Ideas. Instead of giving the public our suggestions, however, we are directing these to past and present government officials.

Happy Halloween!

Secretary of Interior Gale Norton
Now we have to admit we'd like to see Gale Norton in orange. It might complement her skin tone and she'd probably look wonderful. Does Ann Taylor make jail jumpsuits?

But if Norton wants to avoid finding out, she should dress up as a Trustee. Because -- in the eyes of U.S. District Judge Lamberth -- she sure isn't acting like one.

With the full moon out tonight, though, we just hope Norton doesn't morph into a creature on the endangered species list.

Assistant Secretary Neal McCaleb
Everybody loves Neal! It's a proposed sitcom on CBS, we hear, involving lots of teddy bears and turkey sandwiches with lots of mustard. And late-night runs to Krispy Kreme donut shops.

But this named defendant in the Cobell v. Norton lawsuit appears so detached from the matter that he ought to dress up as his predecessor Kevin Gover. After making some heady statements about trust reform, McCaleb has suddenly become mute on the issue, deferring responses to others.

At least Gover has the guts to bring it on.

Solicitor Bill Myers
Bill Myers was the only member of Norton's administration who bothered to take his government limousine to Lamberth's courtroom yesterday. At least he didn't get up and try to say something, perhaps fearing he might accidentally intimidate senior Bureau of Indian Affairs management in the process.

But coupled with his decision to rescind a legal opinion that shut down a mining project on sacred Quechan land, Myers should dress up as the Iron Crying Eyes Cody this year. Shed a tear, Mr. Solicitor, it won't be your first.

Former Secretary Bruce Babbitt
One of those 20 lawyers who showed up in court yesterday was there on behalf of Bruce "I promise to help Indians after I leave office" Babbitt. And for good reason.

Lamberth practically held Babbitt in contempt for not reporting that the government knew a $40 million software system was a failure two years ago. So along with fellow friends John Leshy and Ed Cohen, all of whom are being represented by Babbitt's lawyer, the trio should dress up as Keller, Tobias and Vern from the popular HBO series Oz.

They can decide amongst themselves who is the former lawyer, the White supremacist and the serial killer.

In Your Hoop
Who are you dressing up as? Email In the Hoop and let us know.