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In The Hoop
JUNE 1, 2001

Welcome to In The Hoop, Indianz.Com's occasional column about assorted Indian issues.

In The Hoop: The Scorecard
Because we just love rating things, we're instituting a new feature here at In The Hoop.

Every Friday (or so we plan), we'll be taking a look at the week's happenings to find out who won, who lost, and who just stayed the same. Consider it a preview to The Week in Review!

The Winners
Navajo driver Cory Witherill - For speeding into history and placing 19th in the Indy 500. But will he slow down enough to find his natural parents? Take a break, Cory!

Blackfeet Nation of Montana banker Elouise Cobell - For reveling in the decision (or lack thereof) of the federal government not to appeal February's trust fund ruling. When can she expect her $25 settlement check?

White People - For proving you can market Indian culture as part of your business but not be forced to pay taxes for doing so. Thanks a lot Supreme Court.

Golfer Casey Martin - For inspiring sedentary Americans to strive for their goals.

Senior Citizens - For getting busy in public places and not caring about it. Go grandma, go grandma...

Bureau of Indian Affairs Chief Information Office Dom Nessi - For managing to stay out of court depositions long enough to launch the BIA's new web site.

Jenna and Barbara Bush - For lending credence to the theory that craving for alcohol is genetic.

The Losers
Navajo driver Cory Witherill - For placing 19th in the Indy 500. Didn't anyone notice the most of the people he "beat" all dropped out of the race due to engine failure or crashing?

The Libertarian Party of New Mexico - For inheriting Russell Means.

The Navajo Nation - For being too greedy and illegally imposing an outrageous 8 percent tax on non-Indians. Shame on you President Begaye.

Former Assistant Secretary Kevin Gover - For showing that you can be held in contempt, lose in federal court, lose in appeals court, but still manage to say that you "whipped" the Indians. Where's our $25 settlement check?

Seminole Tribe Chief Jim Billie - For proving you can lose a finger but still have a way with the ladies.

Dom Nessi - For unveiling a web site with colors not seen by mankind since Cyndi Lauper last dyed her hair in 1984.

Jenna and Barbara Bush - For going out to Chuy's and not inviting us. See you in the fall, Barbara!

In The Middle
Navajo driver Cory Witherill - For being newsworthy enough to have an entire show of Native America Calling dedicated to you yet still bore listeners to death.

Tribal Leaders - For endorsing a line of Medicine Man soft drinks, for inspiring controversy even in death, and for spending timely.

In Your Hoop
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Previous In The Hoops
May 30, 2001 | May 24, 2001 | May 23, 2001 | May 16, 2001 | May 11, 2001 | May 8, 2001 | May 7, 2001 | May 2, 2001 | May 1, 2001 | April 30, 2001 | April 25, 2001 | April 24, 2001 | April 23, 2001 | April 20, 2001 | April 19, 2001