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JUNE 12, 2000

Kevin Gover once called being the head of the BIA "the very last job you'd want." Neverthless, the Pawnee lawyer raised in Lawton, Oklahoma, later transplanted to Albuquerque, New Mexico, took the fateful oath of office in November, 1997, and has never looked back.

On Tuesday, June 13, Gover will be in the spotlight as he fields calls and questions from all over Indian Country during a one-hour spot on the nationally broadcast radio program Native America Calling. It will be another in a series of appearances he's made on the show.

Strangely enough, we discovered some envelopes containing Gover's answers to tomorrow's questions. In true Johnny Carson fashion, we present them to you here, answer first, question later. (If you don't remember Carson as Carnac the Magnificent, shame on you.)

WARNING: For humorous purposes only. Do not sue us. Do not call us. Please advertise with us.

A: I thought I would get an office in the White House.
Q: Why did you accept the offer to become head of the BIA?

A: My hairline, my sanity, and my patience.
Q: What do you miss the most since taking the job?

A: Bad perm jobs, big sunglasses, and stale frybread.
Q: What are the most important issues facing Indian Country today?

A: Cheap eyewear from IHS.
Q: What do you like most about the job?

A: Cheap eyewear from IHS.
Q: What do you dislike most about the job?

A: I sleep in a Fry Bread Power T-Shirt.
Q: What's your most intimate secret?

A: Ask Jeff Benedict, author of Without Reservation.
Q: How do I find out if I'm Indian?

A: When Janet Reno asked me to be her date to Clinton's inaugural ball.
Q: What has been your most scariest moment on Capitol Hill?

A: No comment.
Q: Did you say yes?

A: Senator Nighthorse Campbell and I hit the biker bars around town.
Q: What do you do on the weekends?

A: Finding the men's bathroom.
Q: What has been your greatest success at the Bureau?

A: When I found out The Toughest Indian in the World wasn't Sherman Alexie's biography of me.
Q: What has been your greatest disappointment?

A: To be on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...
Q: What's your greatest dream?

A: Create a Bureau of Caucasian Affairs.
Q: What do you most want to do before you leave office?

A: I crank call Senator Slade Gorton's office.
Q: What do you when you are feeling depressed about work?

A: Thank you, Ganya, from Hydaberg, Alaska.
Q: Hello? I'm just calling to say hello. Hello!

You are correct, sir!

Listen to Gover on NAC:
2/22/00: Bureau of Indian Affairs for 2000
9/13/99: BIA Update with Kevin Gover
5/13/99: Kevin Gover on Indian Education
2/23/99: Open Lines with Kevin Gover
1/19/99: Tribal Governments in Transition
10/22/98: Success Stories from Across Indian Country
5/13/98: Bureau of Indian Affairs