Program brings families together through Self-Exploration
By Christina Rose
Native Sun News Staff Writer RAPID CITY – “The Family Restoration Program” does more than just bring families together to talk. It helps individuals overcome PTSD, grief, physical, emotional and sexual abuse, and other traumas, opening doors to personal healing and better family communication. Over the last ten years, Verlyn Long Wolf, of Long Wolf Consulting, and Evelyn Leite, MHR, LPC, have joined forces to develop workshops that bring people together. Bringing the expertise of a combined 50 years of experience, the Family Restoration Program merges counseling with culture. According to Leite, people come to the program when they are struggling to maintain family relationships while facing challenges in their everyday lives. “They may say, ‘I have kids I can’t control, I have a husband who’s drinking, and I have to go to work. I desperately need help,” Leite said, adding that most come to the program to restore relationships but leave having learned a lot about themselves. Long Wolf talked about how the program incorporates self-discovery. “From a cultural perspective, people see how they fit in their family, community, and even the world. But you can’t give to your family or to yourself if you don’t know who you are. We use the circle to look at the spiritual, the physical, the mental, but at the center of the circle is yourself.” Bringing all the parts of one’s self together helps people realize what they have and what they are capable of doing, Long Wolf said. “We also touch on diseases, cancer, diabetes, and mental ailments.” One woman who was originally referred to the program had been homeless, and voluntarily came back to do the program again. Long Wolf explained that she came back five times, over a period of several months, and eventually she brought all four of her sisters. But the women explained that not everyone who is referred to the program is happy to be there. Many people feel shy about airing their problems or family relationships in the open. Leite said that the counselors are aware that people may come from the same community or work together. Leite said people are never put on the spot or pressured to talk about uncomfortable situations. “If they don't want to say anything, we do small groups and try to put them with people who don’t know each other, and if we need to, we will meet with them and talk to them individually,” she said. Long Wolf added, “They overcome their secrets by listening to other’s stories, and they realize that it wasn’t so bad. After they take the program, they feel strong enough to go home and deal with their families.” Among the subjects covered in the program, historical trauma and reactions to the boarding schools are key. Long Wolf explained that many people do not understand what grief really is, and how it can effect a person’s life. She said, “I talk about genocide, grief, our lifestyle, the things we lost in the process of learning and living in the Western way, and there is a lot there.” She continued, “A lot of times people don’t know about PTSD, what can be done about it, or even see how it is effecting their lives.” Long Wolf described the trauma of loss of culture through colonization and how life in the past differed from the present. “In our culture, there are stages of life. From the time you were born, to being kids, teenagers, growing up, becoming grandparents, there was a ceremony for all of the rites of passage. People understood what their life goals were, what they were responsible for. But we don’t have that anymore, we got stuck in the boarding schools. We lost everything, the whole culture, customs, values; and we were introduced into another way of life that we had no understanding of, and you weren’t allowed to have feelings about it.” Those who have attended the programs state that creating a family “sculpture” enables them to see their family relationships clearly for the first time in their lives. Leite described the journey of many of the participants. “They reflect on their own experiences, and break into small groups so they can share. The first thing they say is ‘Oh my gosh, what have I done to my kids?’ Then the second thing they say is, ‘Oh my gosh, what was done to me? It just pours out,” Leite reported. Long Wolf continued the thought, saying that the child is often the one who opens the door to reality and the denial the parents have been living with. “We all want to be good parents, so we paint a pretty picture of what a family is and we really believe that is the way it is.” Long Wolf said, is that the child is the one who is living in the reality, and wondering why these things are happening. He may ask questions but be told to be quiet, or go outside and play. She added, “You know the child is never heard, and he has a totally different perspective of what his problems or family problems are.” Some of the chapters from the participant’s manual, which was developed by Leite and her son, Robert G. Harrowa, include “Rules of Dysfunctional Families, Learning What Boundaries Are And How To Set Them, We must understand Our Children, The Codependent Bill of Rights, and What Is A Family Member Supposed to Do?” The manual is full of questions, and diagrams that detail family relationships, common problems and methods of communicating with loved ones. Those who take the course, even unwillingly, usually come out with a deeper understanding of themselves. Many return to take the course again and again, and many come back to report on the successes they have seen in their homes and their own ability to manage their lives. The cost for counselors is $500, and offers 22 CEUs. Families or individuals who are approved by The Great Plains Tribal Chairmen's Health Board Access to Recovery can attend free through referral. The next program will take place on March 5, 6, 7, and 8, from 9 a.m. - 4 p.m., at the Cedar Shore Resort, 1500 Shore Line, Chamberlain, SD. Registration ends Feb 27. Contact Verlyn Long Wolf at 605-877-6134 or Evelyn Leite at 605-484-0576 for more information, to register, or to inquire about bringing the program to a specific location. (Contact Christina Rose at christinarose.sd@gmail.com) Copyright permission by Native Sun News
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