Carly McIntosh: My father loved his other children more than he loved me

Friday, April 6, 2018  

I Was Abused as A Child Too

My grandfather was my father
By Carly McIntosh

When you look around you see many fathers that are playing with their daughter in love. You can see the connection in love as they tickle each other or just simply holding hands while walking. In time a father is known to protect his daughter in anyway he possible can because a father knows he has been given a strict job to keep his daughter safe. Even when the time comes of a father walking down the isle with his daughter there will never be a break in their love that they have built in time together.

Living as a young little girl in a town south of Manitoba it was placed in my mind that I was living a normal life. Slowly I learned that my father was a chiropractor and I believed that his purpose in life was to help people. My father would be gone for the day working but once he walked in the door all you could feel is the darkness grow.

Once he walked in the door he would throw himself onto the couch and start watching his favorite sport of wrestling where people beat one another. My father would be watching his favorite sport then yell me to go fetch him a beer. Being such a young little girl, I believed that my father was being a true father but I was wrong. Thinking I was doing something nice for my father I would go get him a beer and take it to him.

Once I got to him he would not disconnect his eyes from the television and simply just grab the beer from my hands. I would talk to him as a young daughter normally does and all he would do is grab his pack of cigarettes and blow the smoke where it was to enter into my lungs. My father loved his two other children more then me and their names were Alcohol and Cigarettes.

When I became four years old that is when my epileptic seizures had started and my father did nothing but make me suffer. Having my father going to university he knew exactly how dangerous seizures could become. It came to the point that everyday I was having epileptic seizures and he would do absolutely nothing about it because he could care less.

It had become a time were my father refused to take me to a hospital or even book an appointment to see a medical doctor. Being such a young girl, I had to keep fighting for myself and know Mother Earth was standing right beside me. There were days that the seizures were so strong that at times I would go outside and start hugging a tree.

As I got a few years older that is when it was decided I was not to go to public school I was to home school. My father taught me the subject of mathematics and it came to the point where I wished that mathematics did not exist. Every morning I would wake up and get ready with high amounts of fear built up inside me. I would try my hardest to get every question right but if I got just one question wrong that is when verbal abuse was directed towards me.

If my father saw one answer wrong he began to start yelling and screaming in my face that all I could do was sit still in fear and hope he would not place his hands on me. The verbal abuse would get so extreme that my legs would start shaking and tears would start running do my cheeks. There were days that the aggression got so bad that my father began screaming and breaking as many things as he could. With being so scared at times I believe Mother Earth took me into complex seizures so that I would not hear or see what my father was doing to me and I deeply thank her for that.

When it was the year I was eight years old that is when I had a very first tonic clonic seizure and damage was done. Once I was in this seizure I was locked in this seizure and my father refused to take me to the emergency room. The tension in my body became so strong not one bone was able to move in my body.

With my father seeing I would not come out of this strict seizure he picked me up and placed me on one of his chiropractic tables. My father placed his hands around my head and he tried to move the bones in my neck to unlock the seizure. In time it came to three hours of my father trying to adjust my neck and it came to the point that he broke it.

Through life there were many things that my father had done to me and it just kept building and building. The amount of abuse my father had done to me grew so high that I believe it could reach the top of Mount Everest. In the back of my mind I always wanted to dial 911 but I did not have the strength I needed to do it.

Even during family get togethers I just put on an act and for many years not one family member knew what was really happening behind the closed doors.

Born and raised in Manitoba and now residing in Alberta in Canada, Carly McIntosh recently found her ancestry. Her goal is to pursue a future with writing and hopes to open some closed eyes and minds.