Troylynn Yellow Wood, Oglala and Northern Cheyenne, spoke at the Wiyan Ituwan on behalf of her elder aunt, Vivian Locust, sharing insight into the expectation of Lakota women. Photo by Karin Eagle.
RAPID CITY, SOUTH DAKOTA –– Lakota women, known as the backbone of their nation, are held to the highest standard as far as the way they conduct themselves at home and amongst their people. Vivian Locust, an Oglala Lakota and Northern Cheyenne, offered several points of advice to the women gathered at the first Wiyan Ituwan, or Vision of the Women, gathering held on the Pine Ridge Reservation. She had been invited to speak about the roles of the Lakota women, but being unable to attend, she asked her niece, Troylynn Yellow Wood, to present her words for her, and sent her to the gathering with several sheets of notes to refer to. Yellow Wood began the presentation by acknowledging that she was glad she had dressed appropriately, as the first of many points that Locust wanted her to make was the need for women to wear dresses, long dresses when attending a gathering. “Women wore skirts in public and at ceremonies, and most wore shawls on top of that, in the age of our Grandmothers,” said Yellow Wood. “If you insisted on wearing pants or jeans, you had to put a skirt on over them.” It was pointed out that at sun dance, the women wore four layers of clothing; their slips, the dresses and their shawls folded in half and wrapped around the waist. “There is a reason we wear four layers, and if you don’t know the reason, you need to go home to your grandmothers and ask them, “was the advice offered from Locust. Another point concerning the appropriateness of dress was that if your male relatives looked away from you, or couldn’t meet your eyes, that meant that you were shaming them by the way you dressed. You should never show your legs or any amount of your chest that would cause them to feel uncomfortable. “We women have to always come correct in the way we dress and the way we speak, as we are the backbone of our nation and we have to be responsible for ourselves and our bodies,” Yellow Wood said. According to Unci, or Grandmother, Locust’s notes, we need the guidance and the reminders from our elder women. When we lose our mothers, we need to take her next oldest sister, cousin or female relative as our mother. We need guidance throughout our lives, and when there are no other elder relatives before you, it is your responsibility to become the mother and take your place as the mentor to the younger women. Our primary role as women is to teach and nurture our families. If we learn the ways of grandmothers, we can teach them to our children. We have to learn better ways of disciplining our children. We need to step back when we are angry and not yell, cuss at, or threaten our children. They are our Wakanyeja, our gift from the Great Mystery. We, as women, are not supposed to fight with our sisters or our mothers, and that goes for our brothers and our fathers. We have to role model the family ways to our children if we want them to know how to heal relationships in a good way. Everyone needs to try harder to maintain harmony in our families. The hardest hitting advice that Unci Locust offered was that the women should never stay in abusive relationships. The children are witnesses to every verbal and physical assault, and they will replicate the behaviors that they see. “Learn to walk way, even run way, if you have to!” admonishes Locust. One of the wasicu, or white, ways of thinking that contradicts the Lakota ways is that there is a “designated daughter”, meaning, the one daughter who everyone turns to for support, and to whom the “burden” of caring for the elderly parents falls. In the Lakota ways that honor falls on the entire family. We are all designated to care for our parents while they are living. We can’t conveniently put them “safely” away in nursing homes. “No matter what it is, you must keep your word,” says Yellow Wood. “If you say you are going to do something, you need to do it; otherwise keep your Big Mouth shut!” “Our ancestors were judged not just by what they did but by what they said.” remembers Yellow Wood. “Their words mean something. Especially their promise to pledge their lives in marriage mean just that. Oh that’s hard!” In the creation of children, women were warned about being careful who they created the next generation with. “My grandmother used to say, Think of who you are mixing my blood with; that is my future as are you.” said Yellow Wood.” I want strong healthy descendants.” “As it takes two people to create children, it takes two people to raise them. Single mothers and fathers are capable of doing good jobs, but if there are two parents, they can more concentrate on nurturing and producing healthy children.” The final point of advice that Unci Locust wanted to share with the Wiyan Ituwan was that we all ”remember that if you teach a man something, you have educated one person. If you teach a woman something, you educate an entire family. That is why gathering together such as the Wiyan Ituwan is so important, so we can learn from each other, and what we learn, we can teach to our children.” (Contact Karin Eagle at staffwriter2@nsweekly.com) Copyright permission by Native Sun News www.nsweekly.com
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