Francis Kavanaugh, Grand Chief of Grand Council Treaty 3, presents Prime Minister Justin Trudeau of Canada with a hatchet during a visit to Kenora, Ontario, on July 28, 2017. Photo: Justin Trudeau
Opinion

Tiffany Midge: Presenting some options for those pretending to be indigenous





Pretending to be indigenous can be so stressful. Luckily, Tiffany Midge, a citizen of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe, has you covered with her all-new Hoodwink Identities:
Has pretending to be indigenous ever gotten you down? Is your farce starting to wear a little thin? Do you feel like you’re in a slump? Tired of the unending grind of playing make-believe and stealing from Indians? If you’re feeling unfair backlash from pretending to be indigenous and your Indian disguises are no longer cutting it, you should try Hoodwink Identities. Here at Hoodwink Identities we realize what a slog it is to duck and dodge the criticism of others and to find yourself forever on the defensive. It’s almost as if you’re a bandit on the lam, or some garden-variety hooligan evading the po-po. We realize how stressful indigenous identity pirating can be, and that’s why we are offering several fine alternative packages for all of your hornswoggling needs.

COYOTE ACME: Coyote is the quintessential huckster and is sure to meet all of your flim-flam needs. This package is perfect for pretendians of all levels, beginning, intermediate, or advanced. For a limited time only this package comes with a free all-you-can-eat-buffet of baloneysauce, or your choice of anvils, dynamite, and baby grand pianos. Look out for Roadrunner!

RHODODENDRON BUSH: No one would ever suspect the non-descript, guileless rhododendron bush, why even former Communications Director Sean Spicer endorses the efficacy of the bush. It’s not just for evading the press core anymore! Buy now while limited supplies last. Also comes in azalea, rose, and hydrangea.

Read More on the Story:
Tiffany Midge: A List of Alternative Identities to Try for Fun and Profit (Indian Country Media Network August 20, 2017)