In The Hoop: Interior issues 'meticulously researched' report

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The headline alone should throw you -- the Interior Department and "meticulously researched" report don't ever go hand in hand. But just in case you're wondering, yes this hilarious story is from The Onion (with some emphasis added):

According to Beltway sources, confused White House staffers arrived at their desks Wednesday to find a meticulously researched, entirely unrequested report from the Interior Department assessing dry humping as a suitable sex alternative for teenagers.

The uncomfortably in-depth 900-page document, which outlines the benefits of clothed genital stimulation versus fully penetrative sex, reportedly baffled administration officials, who confirmed they generally associate the department with its role in managing natural resources and administering programs for Native Americans.

Let's hope Larry Echo Hawk and the Bureau of Indian Affairs didn't have anything to do with this report!

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